Lets talk about the Control Freaks

Most all of you have had to contend with control freaks. These are those people who insist on having their way in all interactions with you. They wish to set the agenda and decide what it is you will do and when you will do it. You know who they are – they have a driving need to run the show and call the shots. Lurking within the fabric of the conversation is the clear threat that if you do not accede to their needs and demands, they will be unhappy.

Certainly, it’s natural to want to be in control of your life. But when you have to be in control of the people around you as well, when you literally can’t rest until you get your way … you have a personality disorder. While it’s not a diagnostic category found in the DSM IV (the therapist’s bible for diagnostic purposes) an exaggerated emphasis on control is part of a cluster of behaviors that can be labeled as compulsive generally characterized by perfectionism, orderliness, workaholic tendencies, an inability to make commitments or to trust others and a fear of having their flaws exposed. Deep down, these people are terrified of being vulnerable. They believe they can protect themselves by staying in control of every aspect of their lives, including their relationships. Control freaks take the need and urge to control to new heights, causing others stress so they can maintain a sense of order. These people are riddled with anxiety, fear, insecurity, and anger. They’re very critical of themselves their lover and their friends, but underneath that perfect outfit and great body is a mountain of unhappiness. Let’s look at what makes control freaks tick, what makes you want to explode, and some ways to deal with them.

The Psychological Dynamics That Fuel a Control Freak

The need to control is almost always fueled by anxiety – though control freaks seldom recognize their fears. At work, they may worry about failure. In relationships, they may worry about not having their needs met. To keep this anxiety from overwhelming them, they try to control the people or things around them. They have a hard time with negotiation and compromise and they can’t stand imperfection. Needless to say, they are difficult to live with, work with and/or socialize with.

Bottom Line: In the process of being controlling, their actions say, “You’re incompetent” and “I can’t trust you.” (this is why you hate them). Remember, the essential need of a control freak is to defend against anxiety. Although it may not be apparent to you when they are making their demands, these individuals are attempting to cope with fairly substantial levels of their own anxiety. The control freak is usually fighting off a deep-seated sense of their own helplessness and impotence. By becoming proficient at trying to control other people, they are warding off their own fear of being out of control and helpless. Controlling is an anxiety management tool.

Unfortunately for you, the control freak has a lot at stake in prevailing. While trying to hold a conversation and engage them in some way, their emotional stakes involve their own identity and sense of well-being. Being in control gives them the temporary illusion and sense of calmness. When they feel they are prevailing, you can just about sense the tension oozing out of them. The control freak is very frightened. Part of their strategy is to induce that fear in you with the subtle or not so subtle threat of loss. Since the emotional stakes are so high for them, they need to assert themselves with you to not feel so helpless. To relinquish control is tantamount to being victimized and overwhelmed. When a control freak cannot control, they go through a series of rapid phases. First they become angry and agitated, then they become panicky and apprehensive, then they become agitated and threatening, and then they lapse into depression and despair.


Repetition Compulsion


Control freaks are also caught in the grip of a repetition compulsion. They repeat the same pattern again and again in their attempt to master their anxiety and cope with the trauma they feel. Characteristically, the repetition compulsion takes on a life of its own. Rather than feel calmer and therefore have a diminished need to be controlling, their behavior locks them into the same pattern in an insatiable way. Successes at controlling do not register on their internal scoreboard. They have to fight off the same threat again and again with increasing rigidity and intransigence.
Two Types of Control Freaks

Type 1 Control Freaks: The Type 1 control freak is strictly attempting to cope with their anxiety in a self absorbed way. They just want to feel better and are not even very aware of you. You will notice and hear their agitation and tentativeness. They usually do not make much eye contact when they are talking to you.

Type 2 Control Freaks: The Type 2 control freak is also trying to manage their anxiety but they are very aware of you as opposed to the Type 1 control freak. The Type 2 needs to diminish you to feel better. Their mood rises as they push you down. They do not just want to prevail; they also need to believe that they have defeated you. They need you to feel helpless so they will not feel helpless. Their belief is that someone must feel helpless in any interchange and they desperately do not want it to be them. The Type 1 needs control. The Type 2 needs to control you.
Some Coping Strategies

1) Stay as calm as you can. Control freaks tend to generate a lot of tension in those around them. Try to maintain a comfortable distance so that you can remain centered while you speak with them. Try to focus on your breathing. As they get more agitated and demanding, just breath slowly and deeply. If you stay calm and focused, this often has the effect of relaxing them as well. If you get agitated you have joined the battle on their terms.

2) Speak very slowly. Again the normal tendency is to gear up and speak rapidly when dealing with a control freak. This will only draw you into the emotional turmoil and you will quickly be personalizing what is occurring.

3) Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. In fact, they do not have that much to say. They have a lot to say if you engage them in a power struggle. If you just listen carefully and ask good questions that indicate that you have heard them, then they will quickly resolve whatever the issue is and calmly move on.

4) Pay attention to your induced reactions. What is this person trying to emotionally induce in you? Notice how you feel when speaking with them. It will give you important clues as to how to deal with them more effectively and appropriately.

5) Initially, let them control the agenda. But you control the pacing. If you stay calm and speak slowly, you will be in command of the pacing of the conversation.

6) Treat them with kindness. Within most control freaks is a good measure of paranoia. They are ready to get angry and defend against what they perceive is a controlling hostile world. If you treat them with respect and kindness, their paranoia cannot take root. You will jam them up.

7) Make demands on them-- especially when dealing with the type 2 control freak. Ask them to send you something or do something for you. By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns.

8) Remember an old but poignant Maxim: “Those who demand the most often give the least.”

Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help. Understand that they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, rehearsed debaters and excellent at distorting reality.

In order to not feel degraded, humiliated and have your sense of self and self worth assaulted, you need to avoid being bulldozed by a controlling lover, boss or friend. When you are caught up in a truly destructive/controlling attachment, the best response may be to walk out. You have to understand that whatever you do will have a limited effect. These people are angry and afraid to let go of you.

Hence, it is your job to let go of them, protect yourself in the process… and grow.

 

Dealing With an Egoistic Individual

How do you deal with people who think they are the best, live in their own world of fantasy? If you try to say anything, they would cut you out with a perfectly logical argument. If you keep quiet, they take you for granted.  Some people just think they know everything right and wrong and there is nothing anyone can teach them.



I had come across one such person. He was not only egoistic, but also an hypocrite. However in his mind, he was doing everything right. He would surround himself with people who praise him, so that he can feed his ego more. Unfortunately, he was a leader in many initiatives and projects. Which means that people have to work with him and there is no way around. 

He would never go and raise any issue with his subordinates or peers in other groups, he would wait for people to come to him and start a dialogue. He would always find a best and logical explanation to a problem or situation without solving it. 

When it comes to dealing with such people, you can give them any suggestions as he would rule it over with a better idea he has.  Even if you do good work, he will try to find something missing and criticise you for that. If you are persistent in something , they get insecure and even angry or wild.  They want to be in complete control of the situation at any point of time. The moment they realise they are  out of control , they would switch off or get angry.

Selfishness: A paramount trait

Being called selfish doesn’t feel like a compliment, but the trait can actually make you a better person, psychology experts say.

“When you take care of yourself first, you show up as a healthy, grounded person in life,” says Bob Rosen. 

Oriented around survival, Rosen says it’s in our nature to take care of our own needs first. The instinct eventually got a bad rap, however, and can become the source of negative emotions like fear and guilt.

As we evolved, we developed higher order needs, [such as] becoming community centered, our theory of human development is based on a model that you’re either selfish or you’re community oriented. The truth is that you need to be both. It’s not an either-or.

Selfish is an ugly word but it can mean two different things. One connotation is that you’re unkind and inconsiderate of others. The other is that you take responsibility for getting your personal, emotional and physical needs met, and that’s an important part of becoming an adult.

The key to healthy selfishness is being self-focused instead of self-involved. Schedule some “me time,” and you might discover these four benefits:

 

1. You’ll Be Healthier

Selfish people tend to take better care of themselves instead of giving too much energy away serving the needs of everyone else, says Rosen. He interviewed several executives for his book and found strong physical health to be a common trait of a good leader.

“Instead of spending all of their time at work, these men and women carve out time for themselves,” he says. “For example, Dennis Nally is global chairman of PwC (formerly PricewaterhouseCoopers), and he travels more than any other person I know. Exercises all the time, and eats well. He knows in order to sustain his travel agenda he has to take the time to take care of himself.”

2. You’ll Have an Advantage When It Comes to Leadership Roles

Studies have shown that acting in your own self-interest you may give you an advantage in leadership roles. 

Selfish people are more confident and less likely to give up on goals. They go after what they want apologetically, and they’re not afraid to ask for the raise or promotion.

Selfish people have a drive to succeed. There is often a higher purpose to be a great leader--taking care of other people. But if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t care for others. Being selfish is critical.

3. You’ll Have Better Relationships

People will have a harder time manipulating or taking advantage of you if you’re selfish. Setting boundaries means knowing where you end and other person begins. If you have trouble being self-focused, you might have trouble saying no.

To be a healthy, grounded person, you need to be selfish. If you’re looking to a partner to fill your emotional needs, your relationship is vulnerable. The best relationships happen when two adults show up and enjoy each other.

 

4. You’ll Be Happier

Selfish people spend their time doing activities they like to do.

If you have a well-developed sense of who you are, what you enjoy and the ability to communicate this to others, you’ll be a happier person. Putting yourself first is not a negative quality; it’s your job to take care of yourself and get what you need.

Now, I know you shaking your head in disagreement. But in the real sense, we all are selfish but this does not necessarily mean that we cannot be selfless. It all depends on the side you want to choose.

Remember, we don't actually venture into something without subconsciously thinkinjg of our gain, no matter how minimal the reward will be. This may not be in a legal tender value but may be in form of esteem, show-off et al.

Poverty Redefined!

President Goodluck Jonathan, on Thursday, faulted the World Bank report which placed Nigeria among the five poorest countries in the world, saying “the nation is not poor.’’

 Addressing workers at the May Day rally held at the Eagle Square, Abuja, the President said “the challenge of the country is not poverty, but redistribution of wealth.’’

He said that the realities on ground did not portray the country as a poor nation, but a nation which abundant wealth needed to be evenly redistributed.

 The President added that his administration was working assiduously and putting policies in place to ensure that Nigerians had access to financial resources to create wealth for themselves.

“Nigeria is not a poor country. Nigerians are the most travelled people. There is no country you go that you will not see Nigerians. The GDP of Nigeria is over half a trillion dollars and the economy is growing at close to 7 per cent.’’

 “Aliko Dangote was recently classified among the 25 richest people in the World.

 “I visited Kenya recently on a state visit and there was a programme for Nigerian and Kenyan business men to interact and the number of private jets that landed in Nairobi that day was a subject of discussion in Kenyan media for over a week.

 “If you talk about ownership of private jets, Nigeria will be among the first 10 countries, yet they are saying that Nigeria is among the five poorest countries.

 “Some of you will experience that there is an amount of money you will give to a Nigerian who needs help and will not even regard it and thank you but if you travel to other countries and give such an amount, the person will celebrate.

“But the World Bank statistics shows that Nigeria is among the five poorest countries. Our problem is not poverty, our problem is redistribution of wealth"...

Source: Daily Independent Nigeria

If our problem is not poverty and its wealth redistribution, what are the efforts that have been put in place to redistribute the wealth?

Certainly not these policies that we see. These policies that makes a minimum wage N18,000 that is sometimes not even paid and makes a delegate to the national conference go home with N4million a month, on top of it, he's fed and this is in 2014 and we've had this government for six years. So if we say our problem is not poverty, I won't even bother to comment much on this.

Again, if it is wealth redistribution, what has been done on how to redistribute the wealth?

We have people at the national assembly we don't even know how much they earn. That happens to be the most guarded secret. Same with the Public officers.

I remember that time Atiku was saying strongly that they should cut public officers' pay.

My conviction is this, either you bring down all these top wages or you hike up the lower ones. But when you hike up the lower ones, you hike up inflation.

There's need to take a critical look at what our political and office holders earn.

To me poverty and wealth redistribution is still the same. What it both point at is that, some people are further down the poverty line than those "up there".

Put politicians on minimum wage, and see how things will change for this country...

The search

Something very sinister told me that in the next few days, the parents of these missing girls will find it difficult to remember their wards' names. 

You can take time to go through all the news reports and stories; nobody is concrete and factual about anything. Everybody is simply confusing. 

Sadly, the Military already lost it's intelligence and credibility to the whims of politicians. 

I am sure the abductors will be laughing right about now. The whole nation is just bereaved of intelligence and foresight!!!

They are better off than us; Tribute to Nyaya victims

'He is better off; better than us'

In the movies '12 years a Slave', there was a scene where Thomas and Solomon (Chinwetel) were discarding the body of a fellow slave captive, who died trying to defend a mother of two. As his body is thrown into the raging water, Thomas utters above quoted words; in solemn sequence. 

That represents a situation where living is much more unpredictably frustrating than death. We are getting over hope. That represents the situation Nigeria is cascading into. 

A situation where those who died while they were trying to survive injustice and misrule will be better off. And as we discard their bodies we would say to ourselves: "They arr better off; better than us."

Culled from Nurdeen Busari's FB update.

The calling trend in relationships...

There are side chicks and there are side chicks. There are those side chicks who know their positions. And there are those who are oblivious of their positions. The thing is this, no one sets out to be a side chick. I may be wrong though.

And then, there are main chicks. They are those girls who are so sure that they have the man. But if indeed they had the man, then there will be no need for the main chick label because they would simply be THE CHICK. His chick.

Finally, there are the guys. There are those ones who don’t set out to cheat but end up doing so anyway.  And there are those who set out to be playboys. Then, there are those who chase everything in skirts and those who are chased. Then again, there are the knights. The knights in shining armor and there are the good old retards in tin foil.

Thing is, every girl at one point in time hoped, wished or even prayed for her own knight. Who would sweep her off her feet and they will dance in the sunlight and live happily ever after.

However, in real life, happily ever afters are few and far in between. Sometimes, a girl has just got to make do. Sometimes, a girl may decide to filch another’s happily ever after. If any of these three groups of people play their roles effectively, every one of them may then have a shot at being happy or at least pretend to be happy.

As I said before, no one sets out be a side chick or a main chick. Being a main chick presupposes that you are being cheated on and being a side chick means that you are obviously not good enough to be number one. Forget all that BS he is telling you; “the time ain’t right … That she ain’t done anything wrong for him to leave her... That he loves you more than he loves her… That he doesn’t want to break her heart… That he is stuck...” and loads of other excuses that I’m sure you heard more about than I may ever hear or know.  Avant’s lie about us comes to mind, right about now… Truth is, if you actually meant something to him, you would not be his chick on the side, hidden from his world.

Actually, main chicks almost always know when there is a side chick. They know. Usually they just choose to ignore the signs and live in denial. After all, what girl wants to live with the idea that she is not good enough for her man? That, her man is looking elsewhere for his dessert, that she the main dish is just not enough. So, she just lets it slide, makes excuses for her man and just flat out denies the truth. But someone has to take the blame for this… It is just easier hating on the other girl… You know, the one who stole your man. After all, it is easier to believe someone is trying to stick her claws in your man and snatch him away than that your man is blatantly cheating, which may just be the case.  Human as we are, we tend to see things the way we want to see them and not for what they really are. Sometimes, your knight is really no knight.

The side chicks who know they are side chicks are usually not the problem. It is those who don’t know they are side chicks or those who don’t want to accept their status that are dangerous. They call up the main chicks and whole lot of other things. The way i see it, if you are going to be a side chick, you’ve got to act the part and not cross the main girl’s path. (But then again, I don’t know any girl who would be content with second place, I certainly won’t be). Don’t be a side chick catching main chick feelings. That just ain’t cool.

You may try to justify your actions but bottom line is, you can’t get on a moral high horse here. You may be in love with him too, she may not be doing enough to keep her man, but face it! You are keeping her man distracted. And if the tables were turned, you sure won’t like that now, would you? The fact that you love someone does not give you the license to go breaking up someone’s relationship, Sometimes, it is not wrong accepting that, you can’t have everything that you want.

Guys are indeed from mars. They are creatures I never pretend to understand. I know they share the same sentiments about girls… But that is a discussion for another day. Thing is, if you are not happy in your relationship, why don’t you try and fix it or just leave? Why go sneaking around? The fact that you are not sure about yourself does not mean you should go confusing everyone else around you. As weirdly as this may sound, that thing called karma is true (at least, I hope it is).

Sometimes, we are just in love with the idea of being in love, more than love itself, more than ourselves. And sometimes, that is just what spells our doom. At the end of the day it comes down to role play.  But whatever you do, don’t be a main chick catching side chick feelings (pathetic!) or a side chick catching main chick feelings (annoying!).

The monster called unemployment

The implication as the regard massive unemployment staring us in the face is a time bomb waiting to explode. 

Just where do we go from here? Why has the older generations put us in this mess? As I type this after seeing the pictures of job seekers (OND, BSC, Msc, PhD) applying for few positions in Nigeria Immigration Service, my eyes are filled with tears... So sad that as a young employer of labour, I am totally perplexed.

With national conference coming up, it is people who are already at the departure lounge of life (over 60 years and above) that form large chunk of representatives of disccusants that may likely shape the future of the younger generations; some of same people that put us where we are!

At this age and time, some backward people and organizations are conducting tests in stadia across the country when the world is advanced in technology. Tests that can be conducted online and then successful candidates can be called up for physical exercise. Over 500,000 applied for the job, how can we not expect to have hitch and rowdiness at the screening venue?

We don't understand the implications of the monster issue of unemployment crisis yet, if we do, we will not only be asking questions but putting in efforts and actions as well.

The blame of unemployment also stems from the quality of graduates that are produced. Many are unemployable and lack entrepreneurial skills.

Although, the key is still the government creating an enabling environment for business to thrive. But that responsibility does NOT lie with the Goverment alone.

However, it is not just about criticizing but proffering solutions... Fellow youth, where do we go from here?

Safe to say Nigerians are not bothered about corruption

I don't believe the average Nigerian cares about government corruption. Not in the sense that they don't feel it's not ruining the country, but rather in the sense that they know it's ruining the country but are only upset because they themselves can't partake.

If we want to fight corruption we have to wage a genuine social reformation that instills something we haven't had since the time of our ancestors; integrity.

The average nigerian is not only a liar, but feels that lying is a talent/skill and genuine mark of their intelligence. When people hear of acts of dishonesty, the victim is seldom a second thought. Instead that victimizer is usually praised for how well he was able to dupe his fellow person. We all know this is the general character of people in the country, and i'm willing to make the bold statement that the Nigerian government is more honest and accountable than the average nigerian person. 

The close the tier of government is to the people, the more corrupt. The more accessible, the more corrupt. The more ready the seat is it be occupied by a normal person, the greater the theft. 

The president is a thief, but he will see 100 naira and steal 40. The local government chairmen will see 10 naira and steal all 10. If you show him 100 he will steal 100. 

Before we blast our governors and president, ask yourself what your local government chairmen has done? More importantly what would the average Nigerian around you in your everyday life do if given power. Next ask yourself what you would do in such a position. I do believe there is good among us, but if you select a random person out of a group of 10 nigerians what are your odds of picking an honest one?

Rate of marriage dissolution in Nigeria

I had an interesting conversation recently with a friend of mine. She categorically stated that she had no intentions of getting married.

After probing and prodding for about thirty minutes, I figured out that her problem was that she had lost all faith whatsoever in marriage as an institution because of the increasing rate of failed marriages. She pointed out instance after instance of marriages that seemed ‘perfect’ at the beginning but inadvertently ended up crumbling, with one or both parties bitter and cynical.

I really do share her point of view and even though I do plan on getting married eventually, I can’t say that I exactly blame her. The divorce statistics in Nigeria are getting bleaker and bleaker by the minute and the unofficial number of failed marriages is probably even worse. Why is this so? There used to be a time in Nigeria when divorce was a foreign word. What happened? When/where/how did the change occur? Was it so subtle that we did not notice? Or did we just choose to ignore it?

Personally, I think one of the major reasons for this increase in the rate of divorces in Nigeria is a change in mindset. Africans generally and Nigerians especially, tend to be very traditional and religious and as divorce was a taboo by traditional and religious standards, many couples ‘suffered’ through their marriages to the death. But not anymore. With science, technology and all other western influences permeating these parts, adherence to such codes of conducts are now seen as being ‘backward’ and ‘unprogressive’.

And even though some churches still have a ‘no divorce’ policy, many have relaxed the rule. In fact, many pastors (indeed, some, as big as they come), have abandoned their marriages, and yet remained on the pulpit. Some of them even remarry. The bottom line is this; hitherto, divorce was not an option but now it is. People no longer ‘enter’ marriages with the ‘till death do us part’ mindset but more with a ‘let’s see how it goes’ mindset. And so, at the slightest provocation, one party is ready to opt out.

Another major cause of the increase in divorce instances in Nigeria will have to be spousal abuse, infidelity, finance and intrusion by third party as some of the reasons. Whilst in the same conversation with the aforementioned friend, I mentioned that abuse in marriages seems to be increasing rapidly these days. She said that even though it was possible, she believed that infact, abuse was on a decline because women were getting stronger. That she is proud of the women of our generation... No man can use us do yanga, she said.

According to her, the only reason it seems like abuse is increasing is because people have started speaking up more than before and that information travels faster and more rapidly through online channels and social media. Whether or not she is correct, the fact still remains that spousal abuse (whether physical, verbal or psychological) is probably one of the leading causes of divorce. I have heard of one too many stories of atrocities perpetrated on a spouse in the name of marriage.

Remedies? I’m certainly no marriage counsellor but perhaps we may need to go back to our roots on this one. The society through its basic institutions (religious organisations, schools AND the family) should teach the basic principles guiding the makings of a successful marriage. Also, domestic offences need to be taken seriously via legislation and subsequent police action.

Divorce is not without its social effect, especially on the woman and children. While the woman is seen as an irresponsible person who is unable to keep her home, the children lack parental care and therefore are prone to societal ills.

An animal should not be allowed to pummel a woman (or a man for that matter) into a hospital and be let off easily under the guise of ‘domestic matters’.

FWB???

Urbandictionary.com defines "friends with benefits" as “two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved.”

But, scientifically, that’s impossible. Let me explain why.

The deep limbic system of your brain is your emotional center. It, not the heart, is where emotion is stored. This part of the brain also stores sexual memory. It gets tuned in to a splash of cologne, a great love song, and the physical act of sex. One of the neurochemicals released during sex is dopamine. Dopamine makes you feel good; it creates a simultaneous sense of peace and pleasure. Anytime your body experiences pleasure—whether good or bad—the limbic system gets wash with this chemical, which causes you to crave more of what you just had. In essence, it creates addiction. Dopamine attaches you emotionally to the source of pleasure, even if he or she is “just a friend”.

Friends with benefits? It’s a myth.

One of the most telling examples I have seen was a beautiful girl who told me how she had dated a guy for five years and they were big into purity. They would often share the testimony of their pure relationship. They broke up, and it was sad but they are still friends. Then, with tears streaming down her face, she told me of a six-month fling with a guy that became sexual. It wasn’t much more than a friendship that got out of control physically. But she couldn’t get over him. I was able to talk with her and help her heal using two steps.

What did I tell her? What do you do if your heart has been broken by a “friends with benefits” hook up or any other sexual relationship for that matter?

First, you need to tell someone.

Second, you need to ask that older, wiser person to pray with you to break off what I call “soul ties.”

I rest my case...

Hon. Patrick speaks on Gay Marriage

“Alas oppressionism has befuddled the
appendage of the innocent gayous Nigerian. I
am overghastedly flabberwhelmed at the
current social media crinkum-krankum set
ablaze in the furnace gargantuan gaga fully
odoriferous and bugabooish in this phase and
time.

The drama is combustible. The police, our
most obliquyous Machiavellian baga-bubu has
begun their disdain of molestation. The legal
intercontinental ballistic missile unsaphronisationistically unleashed by Mr
President has caused a global rejection,
commotion, and OBAMA has pooh-poohed his
mumbo-jumbo.

Nigeria has maniacally accepted a perfidious
hockery-pockery of a legalisationism whilst
ignoring the poverty portraits on that
bewildered, repugnant, wretched faces of the
earth.

This is not terra ferma for me and it is clearly
a terra incognito. The discobolus generated
by the sola-campus nuances is flawless like
the biblical ‘MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN’.
Now the country is in a political Bermuda
Triangle and if we do not take very urgent
and responsible steps to meander the
interstices of eschewable cataracts, land
mines waterfronts, icebergs and ox bow lakes
of the gay ban, the ship of the Nigerian state
has all the capacities and possibilities of
berthing in the disastrous and pestilential
aqua of a terminus aquem”

What happened to Nigerian Immigration Service recruitment?

Just like every other Nigerians, I went to the bank and paid the sum of one thousand naira. My thoughts were 'its just 1k naw'. Multiply it with the number of people that applied nationwide and you would begin to imagine how the minister of interior swindeled a whole nation.

Corruption in Nigeria has now become our culture. Its normal to hear stories of public officials stealing in millions and even billions of naira. It is believed that as a high ranking pubic official, not having a serious corruption case against you means you have not joined the league of 'big boys'.

When the minister of interior,Abba Moro, after a massive public outcry, came out to defend the collection of fees for the NIS recruitment, his reasons were anything but satisfying.

Before then, the FIRS, Civil Defence, Customs had also carried out employment exercises but no one asked any applicant for a dime. So you would begin to ask yourself where Abba Moro got the powers to charge Nigerians that amount that you would consider very outrageous given the current economic situation in the country.

Abba Moro erred big time. And even after the National Assembly ordered the money to be returned to Nigerians, he refused to comply.

I paid my hard earned money for that application, just like every other Nigerian. And just like every other Nigerian I like getting services when I pay for something. Nothing has been heard of the recruitment exercise. Nothing good anyway. Except the fact that two officers where dismissed for soliciting for hundreds of thousands of naira from some potential recruits.
The question Nigerians are asking is: What has happened to the NIS recruitment?

...fallen Soldiers

Yesterday in Nigeria, we remember gallant and courageous men and women of the armed forces that paid the supreme price during their service to this country.

They fell and we walk on the remains of their body and blood to reach where we are today.

Every year we celebrate but we are never sober. We create new political grounds every opportunity we have to increase the number of fallen soldiers every January 15.

Look at our service chiefs today; they are well-fed with enormous bellies so much so that it becomes so hard to lift their legs to salute the fallen heroes.

May God continue to grant succor to the families of the fallen heroes.

Culled from Mr Temitayo Busari's Facebook update.

Nigeria; A nation without HERO!

We have heroes in all walks of life -- men and women with unique achievement in sports, medicine, and music. We have the unsung heroes in our classrooms, marketplaces and on the boulevard of life. We have men and women who inspired us as children and as teenagers to strive for the stars; men and women who impacted our daily lives and without whom our lives and joy would have been limited, our dreams stunted and our imagination blurred. Without these everyday heroes our lives would have been unfulfilled. And then there are the heroes who are ever present in our lives: our parents who are the faces of God.

In addition, we have our national heroes: men and women who are noted for their great courage and strength. Here, I speak of men and women of extraordinary political achievements. I speak of men and women who risked their freedom and their lives in the services of their country. I speak of men and women who answered the call of their people and their land and in so doing sacrificed their lives and desires and comfort so their people may live, so their land may proper and be free from the chains of humiliation, servitude and oppression. Every nation has such men and women.

Nigeria, it seems to me, is the only country that does not revere the extraordinary men and women who lived their lives in the service of the country. In contemporary times at least, Nigerians behave as though no man or woman ever gave his or her life or sacrificed their freedom and liberty so future generations can have a better life. This repulsive attitude can be seen in the manner Nigerians speak of their nationalists. More so on the Internet, some Nigerian commentators and net-chatters have a penchant for displaying their ingratitude and contempt for the country’s heroes. Denigrating some of our heroes has become a pastime for some of these charlatans.

Listed below are some of the few reasons why Nigeria as a country can no longer have a HERO.

1. Tribalism: This has eaten deep into the core of our nationhood. No person emerging as a hero in any of the regions or tribes of the nation does so without being at daggers drawn with other regions or tribal entities. (Take the Awolowo, Sardauna, Ojukwu stories).

2. No common enemy: Nigeria whole has no common enemy. No problem or situation or even people tend to pose a common threat to the peoples and regions of the country. Whatever is going on in the East seems to be a problem of and for the East alone. What ever the war is in the north is regarded a northern problem. It goes on and on all over the country.

3. Careless fight against corruption: Corruption seems to be the only seemingly common enemy of Nigeria. However, the fight against corruption has been on a low ebb. There has been no serious collective struggle against it. As a matter of fact, everyone seems to be in the race to getting a share of the "national cake" by any means necessary or possible. And until corruption is dealt with there wouldn't likely be any tilt towards dealing with the other attendant banes bedeviling our nation.

Nigeria is a country, more or less, united only on paper. The peoples are far apart from each other, our pursuits are at variance. The under lining theories of our being a nation are at variance. We have no common purpose. There simply isn't any national ideology.

Until we desire to deal with these things, and indeed begin to do so, we would wait in vain for a Nigerian Hero.

Moral Decadence II

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

- George Carlin