NYSC Experience so far...

As I held my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) call up letter in my hand, I wondered what it would be like to finally go for youth service. Looking back at all that I have been through in school including the gruelsome one whole year I had to wait to be finally mobilized for youth service, I wondered if the wait was worth it. As a graduate in Nigeria, if you don’t serve, you will definitely find it hard to get job. So it is as important as your university degree itself. The National Youth Service Corps is a mandatory one year program in which graduates from different schools serve the nation for one year in a place where they will be posted. They say its voluntary but it is what we call optionally compulsory. The government has made it such that if you don’t go for service, you may not be able to find a job because every potential employer will require you to present your discharge certificate; a certificate given to you at the end of your one year service.

For the umpteenth time I glanced through my call-up letter allowing myself to savor this taste of victory over the undergraduate life I had lived for the past one year after my finally exams. I made my way out of the student affairs office of our school into the office surroundings and walked past the gate of the set of offices that served as the administrative blocks, trying desperately not to over display the joy that is ripping through my soul. Over and over again I muttered under my breath ‘thank God! So this thing is over’.

And then... I moved on to another phase.

After three weeks of camp it was time for us to pass out and go into the world. A lot of us wanted to be posted to better towns to serve, where we would have amenities like power supply, banks with ATMs, hospitals, GSM network etc. In fact most of us wanted to be posted to Abeokuta which was the capital city in Ogun state, though time and time again we were told in camp that accommodation in Abeokuta is difficult, but nobody cared about that, when we get there we will sort that out. On the day of passing out, we all received our posting letter, while some were screaming with joy that they were posted to Abeokuta. Others were quietly consoling themselves because they were posted to some place they have never heard of. This time around, direct buses were provided. Each local government Corp members were posted to, has a bus with former Corp members calling out the destination. I was posted to Yewa-South local government in Ogun state, that shattered my Abeokuta dream, but I had to accept my fate and face it.

The camp was an extraordinary beehive that day. I picked up my posting letter, said goodbye to some of the friends I made in camp, promising I will call them and left in search of my bus. I went in search of the bus going to my destination, found it and hopped in. Before long all the corps members posted to my local government came and we boarded the bus and departed. A lot of us were disgruntled; some were crying (truth be told, I was among the "some" that cried) all because we don’t know what awaits us at Yewa-South. Basically, all of us in that bus, except for the older corps members serving there had never been there. So the older Corp members had to do most of the comforting and encouragement all the way to the town.

At my PPA (Place of Primary Assignment), corp members are (most of the time) treated with disrespect that is quite unbelievable. Although, the villagers appreciates us (as about 95% of the teachers in the secondary school are youth Corp members) and go out of their way to make us feel wanted. We don’t pay for water, although sometimes we have to bother about security, and the rates we pay for accommodation are ridiculously cheap even though my landlady literally swindled me. The villagers took us in, and while the location is "almost" remote, the attention and goodwill we receive significantly make up for the fact that we are far from family and friends.

Their attitude comes with a catch. We are expected to be role models to the community, and at all times serve as a source of inspiration to them. It is not always the easiest thing to do, and the burden of responsibility, mentorship and leadership gets heavier every day, but remembering that the eyes of a 13-year old girl are on you helps put things in perspective. The knowledge that you can shape or wreck a life can put a lot of pressure on you, but it also helps keep you focused.

My PPA isn't encouraging at all. My proprietor is a kind of person that possesses the natural restriction on perception caused by the simple fact that he can only see the world from his perspective- Egocentric! He has NO sense of welfarism, he derives pleasure in pointing out people's flaws, he operates an autocratic form of ruling (of course, its his school), addresses Corp members like his grandchildren and enjoys nagging.

All these can still be tolerated (speaking for myself though) but the one which infuriates me most is not getting paid at the appropriate time. It takes commitment to carry out one's expected duties diligently and putting in my very best. After being forced to take subjects out of my scope of study, wait for extra lessons, making me close at 4pm, I still have to fight to get PAID!!! *sigh*

With all these, my employer still expects me to carry out a selfless service. Forgetting that his employee(s) needs to be motivated. It doesn't necessarily have to be in form of money but there is this Yoruba addage that says "ku ishe ni Ogun m'oriya". Which literally means, well done is a form of motivation. 

I lost my zeal along the way. I'm thinking its even somewhere out there stranded. Lol. All the plans I had in me, in my head- to affect lives and be a tool of change has found its way to tell me "Toyin, look, no one will see all these as a contribution. They will only tag you as an alaseju". Pls don't crucify me, I'm just being a Nigerian. What is the essence of the mandatory one year service if one cannot be a tool of change, if one cannot have impact on lives? Oh! The N19,800 allowance for popcorn and groundout is.

"If the salt loses its taste, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot,” says the holy book. This brings to the fore the knotty question of the viability or otherwise of the National Youth Service Corps, NYSC, scheme as it stands today. Has it lost its saltiness? Does it still serve the purpose for which it was introduced by the initiators of the scheme several years ago? A peep into the historical background of the scheme will suffice in our assessment of the journey so far for the NYSC.

In line with the three-point agenda of General Yakubu Gowon in the immediate aftermath of the Nigerian Civil War, the idea of a scheme that would see to the reunification and soothing of the wounds of both the ‘vanquished and the victor’ was hatched by the administration. Thus, on May 22, 1973, the NYSC scheme was established with the promulgation of Decree No.24, “with a view to the proper encouragement and development of common ties among the youths of Nigeria and the promotion of national unity”. This was further elaborated upon in 1993 to look beyond the immediate present and to think of the future leadership of the country, which necessitated the mobilization of certain categories of our youths through the NYSC scheme. This was done so as to give them the proper guidance and orientation relevant to the needs of the country. Hence, the National Youth Service Corps Decree No.24 was repealed and replaced by Decree 51 of June 16, 1993.

Furthermore, and most importantly, the purpose of the scheme is primarily to inculcate in Nigerian youths the spirit of selfless service to the community, and to emphasize the spirit of oneness and brotherhood of all Nigerians, irrespective of cultural or social background. The history of the country since independence has clearly indicated the need for unity amongst all its peoples and demonstrated that no cultural or geographical entity can exist in isolation.

All these ideals were succinctly spelt out in Decree 51 of 1993, as follows: “To inculcate discipline in Nigerian youths by instilling in them a tradition of industry at work, and of patriotic and loyal service to Nigeria in any situation they may find themselves; to raise the moral tone of the Nigerian youths by giving them the opportunity to learn about higher ideals of national achievement, social and cultural improvement; to develop in the Nigerian youths the attitudes of mind, acquired through shared experience and suitable training, which will make them more amenable to mobilization in the national interest; to enable Nigerian youths acquire the spirit of self-reliance by encouraging them to develop skills for self-employment; to contribute to the accelerated growth of the national economy; to develop common ties among the Nigerian youths and promote national unity and integration; to remove prejudices, eliminate ignorance and confirm at firsthand the many similarities among Nigerians of all ethnic groups; and to develop a sense of corporate existence and common destiny of the people of Nigeria.”

To achieve these objectives, the decree recommended as follows: “The equitable distribution of members of the service corps and the effective utilisation of their skills in area of national needs; that as far as possible, youths are assigned to jobs in states other than their states of origin; that such group of youths assigned to work together is as representative of Nigeria as far as possible; that the Nigerian youths are exposed to the modes of living of the people in different parts of Nigeria; that the Nigerian youths are encouraged to eschew religious intolerance by accommodating religious differences; that members of the service corps are encouraged to seek at the end of their one year national service, career employment all over Nigeria, thus promoting the free movement of labour; and finally, that employers are induced partly through their experience with members of the service corps to employ more readily and on a permanent basis, qualified Nigerians, irrespective of their states of origin.”

Can we look back today and say that these initial lofty dreams by the proponents of this scheme are still in place? The answer will definitely be in the negative, sustaining the view that the salt (NYSC scheme) may have lost its saltiness owing to several factors that is not limited to the present security situation in the country.

Looking back at the years gone by, the NYSC programme connoted a full year of selfless service and suffering though, due to the policy of dragging youths from their home zone to completely new terrains and cultures with only stipends for sustenance; yet most graduating students looked forward to the programme with glee and pride, not necessarily because it was mandatory and a primary prerequisite for securing any government appointment as a graduate, but because the experience was most rewarding to the individual and the country at large. It never mattered so much where one was posted and corps members were treated with dignity by host communities and organizations. All these are now in the past. Graduating students now lobby and pay huge chunk of money in order to be posted to their choice areas, leading to the overcrowding of certain areas to the detriment of the others. This has also become business for NYSC officials who would feel great loss if the scheme is eventually proscribed.

The reality on ground now is that the seemingly intractable insecurity situation in the country, especially in many parts of northern Nigeria, the uncertainty of even securing a job outside one’s zone after the service year, among many other anomalies associated with the NYSC scheme, are now threatening the foundations of this laudable scheme. Corps members are now endangered species, prone to greater dangers like violent deaths through bomb blasts, mob attacks or gunmen’s onslaught and gang rape (for the female ones).

Well... (to be continued).

Nigerian Government And The Youths

Getting a proper education now is being rich and if Nigeria is not concerned about literacy then she is not concerned about her future image. The educational status of this country seems to be falling while we are laughing and dancing away the time. Surrounding African countries are advancing in areas of technology while we teach theories in our universities and discourage the practicality in our technical institutions, we laugh at our foolishness and drink the best imported wines ever to be made, also jesting at the Igbo man’s ability instead of investing in people, we invest in material wealth we lack the foresight that we might die unremembered even when we were rich.

The constitution should make up for youths, a country which does not support or consider the ideas of the youths is only but a useless one. Children, teenagers and young adults opinions should matter, they should also able to advise government on issues that involves them (not some rich man’s kid but children picked from different backgrounds).

Some Youth Corp members died while serving their fatherland and there was nothing to commemorate them! Nobody except those who know them remember their names, it should not all be about money... HONOUR!

A program was on the television for some period of time, it was called the “Dragon’s Den” it was for youths with business ideas and innovations, there were so many ideas but the anchors were not business owners themselves so how would they have recognized a good business deal when they see one, all they did was display how well they could speak the English words. The vibrant part of our economy is wasting away in another man’s land; while our leaders have not yet asked themselves questions of what they have not done right that the youths are in desperate need of, a Nigerian youth would not mind staying in prison overseas instead of his fatherland.

They claim to be re-structuring the economy but the face of the economy we all see seems to be beautiful on their own side while on our side it looks ugly and fire-beaten. They keep up the talk on improving the life of the citizenry but what we see them accumulating are houses and properties while wasting away our resources. “Nigerians should learn to help themselves; they should learn to cope without the help of the government” says some unreasonable individuals. How can they cope without access to basic amenities? What makes them comfortable in another country- regular supply of power and water, accommodation, security of lives and properties as well as job security, a well schemed educational plan among the rest of them.

How can Nigerian youths be rescued from prostitution/aristo, internet frauds, armed robbery and other illegal acts? These are supposed to be discussed on a round table with the youth minister, concerned individuals, corporate bodies, all that are concerned on youth matters in the country and the youths themselves.Youths should not be wasted away on the table of politics, their education, moral values and conducts should not be tampered with.

OBAMA, everybody in the world is motivated and wants to be like him, but can you do what he is done for his country, ever before he became the president? Even though the system only supported him at the last stage of his vision he never gave up, he is celebrated all over the news, tabloids web pages, books and write ups such as this. He has made history as a leader who would not deny his people anything he thinks is best for them and they are ready to go with his judgment on matters that concern them!

How many Nigerians can die for their country? Some have but I don’t think there are any more, even those that died are not recorded or celebrated. Are they in the honor book of the country do we know or remember their names?

Until NIGERIA learns to respect and add values to lives

Until NIGERIA appreciates selflessness and not self centeredness

Until NIGERIANS love themselves as brothers and sisters and share their pains together

Until WE learn to fight together and not for ourselves and our families alone, but for the sake of the coming generation.

Every leader in Nigeria must learn to respect values and be different from past thieves/leaders that we have had, this nation can learn from fallen heroes who were not perfect but tried their best like Awolowo, Azikwe, Balewa, Ige among the rest ,those who despite their struggles believed in people who became part of today’s selfish leaders. The leaders we have today are results of people who have suffered for Nigerians by offering them free education with a taxes– reduced economy and the basic amenities.

Hypermarkets as I refer to them are not meant strictly for the rich everybody has a right to a beautiful and serene environment, thanks to the Lagos state government who has realized that and other leaders should emulate the leadership.

Nigerian youths must not become today’s leaders who aspire positions and stand no chance to be defeated, they practice politicking in masks and even force themselves into power of which they have no proper plans in positions which they eventually find themselves.

Nigeria cannot boast of energy that can last the whole day all over the country, she lacks industries such as textile making industry and she allows the importation of fairly used clothes more than imaginable, her citizens eats rice like birds but she cannot produce rice that can feed her population and she has refused to develop in terms of infrastructures.

There should be urgency in research of energy, possibly wind, bio-fuel among the rest; Nigerian elites should come down of their high-horse-big-party-only–me future and help the people called poor around them. Community development should be encouraged in the real sense and not faked because we seem to have so many unrealistic NGOs without goals and the common man’s environment out of which the now-elite evolved from should be developed, sanitation exercise has to be enforced again while those found lacking in the care of the environment should be arrested.

Conclusively government should set her priorities right, seek advice from the people she is governing so as not to make decisions that will not work, she should concentrate on job provision, energy generation and not-too-far economic development strategies.

SACRIFICING OUR ENVIRONMENT FOR THE LAW!: Burning Of Confiscated Items By JTF, NAFDAC, NDLEA and Nigerian Customs

It is now common practice for officers of the JTF (Joint Task Force), NAFDAC (National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control), NDLEA (National Drug Law Enforcement Agency) and Nigerian Customs to set fire to items confiscated on suspicion of having been obtained through pipeline vandalisation/bunkering, uncertified/substandard production, prohibited trafficking or smuggling. Probably, for the sake of transparency, the burning of those items is done in public, with wide media coverage. Many regard the officers involved as gallant patriots (which they ordinarily are), in view of their seeming resolve to “follow orders” in ensuring that the Law is obeyed. However, it behoves of the enlightened mind to attempt a critical analysis of the situation. 

Indiscriminate burning of diesel and petrol, which constitute much of the items seized from suspected oil thieves, releases carbon gases into the atmosphere, causing Environmental Pollution. Smoke from burning pharmaceutical and other complex chemicals which are the active ingredients in suspected substandard products seized by NAFDAC and psychotropic materials like Indian hemp or Marijuana, impounded by NDLEA, tyres, electronics, poultry and other goods seized by Nigerian Customs, releases hazardous substances into the Nigerian Atmosphere. Scientific Research shows that CFC’s (Chlorofluorocarbons), Carbon-IV-oxide, lead and other Green-House Gases that make up those hazardous substances are responsible for the depletion of the Earth’s Ozone Layer. The results, which are not farfetched, include irregular rainfall patterns, flooding, heat waves, devastating increasing weather temperatures, pandemics, acid rain. Nigeria has received its fair share of those Environmental Hazards in recent times.

Spokesperson for the JTF was heard on National TV stressing that they have received express order from relevant authority to promptly burn illegal refinery plants, vehicles, drums,, barges and other items suspected to have  been used by oil thieves. In other words, government has indirectly ordered this “official onslaught” on the Nigerian Environment. This, with the greatest respect, is unconstitutional and unreasonable, against the background of modern trends in both the international arena and scientific development.

Section 20 of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999, (as amended)   , admonishes the government to protect the country’s Environment. Similar obligation exists under several international documents to which Nigeria is a signatory like the African Charter 1979, Vienna Convention 1985, Montreal Protocol 1987 and Kyoto Protocol 1997. Indiscriminate burning of confiscated items obviously contravenes the provisions of the Constitution, International Law and Nigerian Environmental Laws e.g. NESREA Act and Guidelines. Besides, the validity of any purported order as above given to the JTF and others is in question, because under section 1(3) of the Constitution, any Law which is contrary to the provisions of the Constitution is void (assuming such order was Law). The big question therefore is SHOULD WE SACRIFICE OUR ENVIRONMENT AT THE ALTER OF ENFORCEMENT OF LAW AND ORDER? The ready answer is No, because, our existence, both as individuals and as a nation, depends on the Sustenance of our Environment.

Proper methods for disposing of confiscated items abound. It must be noted that confiscated items or goods do not automatically become waste. “Waste”, according to Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary is “something that is not or no longer useful and is to be thrown away or disposed of”. Confiscated diesel and petrol should be tested by appropriate authority and if found okay, used by the government or auctioned to members of the public, while money realized is credited into public account. This will also discourage scampering for such fuel by residents of areas close to seized illegal refineries and fuel laden trucks, especially as memories of Jesse fire incident and similar incidents are still fresh. Seized poultry certified fit for human consumption and used clothing or tyres likewise certified could be auctioned or used for charity. Unfit poultry and Indian hemp should be sterilized and used for making organic or Compost manure. Seized vehicles should be auctioned or converted to use by the government. This will stop the growing size of dumpsites where seized vehicles and other items are burnt by the JTF and others in the prosecution of the war against oil theft, smuggling and drug trafficking. Whatever cannot be disposed of in the methods described above, becomes waste, items like chemicals and non-degradable plastics, should be incinerated. Incineration is a controlled burning process used in advanced countries like the UK and Germany. Metallic wastes can be recycled to improve our local steel industry.

Meanwhile, government should send a bill to the National Assembly for the enactment of a law to provide for the proper procedure for disposing of confiscated goods , incorporating the foregoing suggestions and other Best Available Practices. The call is hereby made for Environmental Interest Groups, NGO’s and other public-spirited individuals to intensify efforts aimed at ensuring that the Sustenance of our Environment is not sacrificed on that alter of enforcement of Law and Order. Let us not forget that NO ENVIRONMENT, NO LAW!

The premature "I Love You"

It's your third date with Alex and things are going great. You're amazed at how many things you have in common: food, music, even your favorite cartoon as a kid. You've only known each other for five weeks, but you find yourself thinking about him a lot, almost as much as he texts you (a little annoying, but you're sure he'll calm down). Unlike some of the other guys you've dated lately, you can really see a future with Alex, as long as this "living with his parents" thing is just a phase. After seeing a movie at the galleria, he pulls out a paper rose and says, "Baby, I know it's crazy, but I think I love you."

Crazy? Perhaps. Too soon? Absolutely. Dating experts agree that a premature profession of love, while not necessarily a dealbreaker, is definitely a red flag. If someone is capable of falling in love that easily, they're just as capable of falling out. Or worse, the love-struck party might just be faking it in order to win his or her way into the heart (and bedroom) of a new love.
Of course, the way you react to an early "I love you" depends a lot on your own feelings. If you really like the other person and enjoy spending time with him or her, then you should be more forgiving of an early blurt. In this case, the offender probably confused the giddy infatuation of "falling in love" for "being in love". If you want to salvage the relationship, the best way to react is to be honest. "I really like you, too," you might say. "But I think we still need to get to know each other better before we can talk about 'love.'"

Unfortunately, an early "I love you" can do irreparable damage to the natural balance of a young relationship. If you've barely entered the "really like" phase and your partner is already picking out your wedding colors, it's going to put a lot of pressure on you to figure out -- quickly -- if you feel the same way. The L-word is now the elephant in the room. If you think there's a future in the relationship, address the issue sensitively and do your best to restore the balance. If not, "2th Pick Art" makes some lovely "you're dumped" cards.

Moral decadence in our society

Who is responsible for the moral decadence in the society today, most especially the youths, is indeed very difficult to say. A lot of people believe parents are to blame while others apportion blame to teachers. I have every to believe that moral decadence among the youths has its roots in parents.

Parents have failed in their duties to bring up the child the way he should in utter disregard of both Quranic and Biblical injunctions which says that parents should train a child the way he should go, so that when he is old he won't depart from it.

Parents are the child's first teachers. They therefore have a lot to do in the training of the child before he joins the formal school. Contrary, the economic situation in the country today has made most parents to abandon their duties in pursuit of material wealth.

Furthermore, house-helps and maids have now assumed the role of parents as far as domestic chores are concerned. Very early in the morning both parents leave for work, leaving the child to the care of the house-helps. By the time they return in the night, the child would have been in bed. Come next day, the child would still be asleep while parents would have gone out in the morning. When then do parents stay with the child to train, correct and make him happy?

Some parents are known to support the child when he goes wrong. Some parents go to the extent of harassing teachers for flogging the child at school, these encouragess the child to do even worse things. At home, the child does bad things while the parents support him so that he would no take offence. Some do not care to flog or punish the child who has done something wrong so that he won't "die", thereby sparing the rod to spoil the child.

Some parents are known to have perpetrated so many immoral things to the glare of the child... Forgetting that the child sees his parents as a mirror and emulates virtually all they do. When immoral acts such as embezzlement of funds (which of course is a form of stealing), fornication, bribery and others are done in the presence of the child, how then can anyone, especially the parents turn round to punish him as far as he copies these acts?

Though teachers cannot be totally absolved from the blame of the youths' decadent behaviour, parents should not forget that the child spends 6hrs out of every 24hrs that make a day at school and that is about 30hrs out of 168hrs in a week on the average, which is almost 0.2%. The remaining 99.8% hours a week are spent at home.

Sometimes, teachers fear to punish the child when they remember that his parents may organise an offensive charge against them. These days teachers do their best to train the child negative is the result because the child has already imbibed so much immortality from home, which teachers find difficult to change.

Parents encourage immortality among their wards by not querying them of their late night, for instance, and being in possession of expensive material gifts. Most mothers descend so low to make use of these gifts with their daughters which is not peculiar to girls alone. Boys also do this... Riding expensive vehicles their father never owned with an illegal source of income. Some parents fail to look into the company their children keep. Some maladjusted parents go many miles to over-pamper their children... An act which later boomerang both on the parents and the society. All these are sure roads leading to immortality.

The child's mind is blank at birth and if the mind is filled with immorality and the child grows with it, then it will be very difficult to correct afterwards. Indiscipline must be jettisoned by our youths and all hands must be on deck to save the youths. It is dangerous and highly calamitous for youths to destroy themselves before the mantles of leadership are handed over to them in the near future.

Parents and teachers must buckle up and intensify moral re-armament and disciplinary measures as they deem fit to shape and mould our young citizens into better citizens.

"Discipline conducts; practices exalt and prosper a nation".

Infatuation and Love

It can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between infatuation and love. This is especially true at the beginning of a relationship. I'm no relationship expert though. It is easy to think that you have found true love as the intensity of infatuation takes over your life. Love, however, rarely comes on suddenly. It is a slow, gradual process that can only happen after the rush of infatuation starts to ebb.

Infatuation describes the intense range of feelings present at the beginning of most relationships; sweaty palms, rapidly beating heart, butterflies in the stomach. The world is a better, more beautiful place because object of your affection is with you. Every time you touch is thrilling, you remember every conversation, and your thoughts revolve around them. In more common terms, this is a crush. Crushes are a very real, normal part of human life. Everyone experiences at least one crush at some point or another in their lives.

Infatuation is caused by a chemical reaction in the body. The hormones released accounts for some of the feelings of elation. In truth, you are "high" on *oxytocin*. This is an important evolutionary response to meeting a potential future mate. These hormones assure that two people will spend enough time together to possibly produce children, thus ensuring the survival of the species. Oxytocin also stimulates contractions during labour/labor, and then the production of milk.

Love, on the other hand, is a calmer, more mature feeling. It is a sense of stability. Love is still exciting, at times. It can change day-to-day. Love takes work. The feelings are not supported by the highs of hormones, but by a shared love and respect for each other. Love is what exists after infatuation fades, if you are lucky.

Infatuation and love are different in many ways. While both result in pleasant feelings, the feeling of infatuation is more intense than the feeling of love. Love may not be as intense, but it is usually a much deeper emotion. Relationships that start as infatuation can mature into love.

One of the biggest differences between infatuation and love is how long each can last for. Infatuation can last, at most, several months before it starts to fade. Love, on the other hand, is capable of lasting fifty years or more, if both people in the relationship work for it. Infatuation is almost effortless. Anything put into the relationship is because you want to. Everything you do for the other person brings great pleasure for you, too. This isn’t always the case in love. You do things that you don’t want to do, things that you will get no pleasure from, because it is the fair thing to do. Love is about compromise.

Infatuation and love are both different in the amount of unpleasant tension that is part of the relationship some days. Infatuation discourages any real disagreements from taking place. You both are on your best behavior during all the time you spend together. Anything that could cause a discrepancy to the idea of a perfect relationship is avoided. Everything is perfect, and no one wants to mess that up.

Love allows people to be who they really are. While arguments aren’t encouraged, they happen. Sometimes they happen a lot, especially in times of stress. Love is admitting that your partner has faults, and so do you, but that is okay. You have realistic expectations of each other. Love is accepting.

Infatuation and love are two separate emotions, and there are many differences between them. They are, however, similar in some ways. Infatuation is like a shiny new pair of dress shoes, where as love is the comfy old sneakers you’ve had for years. Infatuation is fun, while it lasts. Eventually, though, the night out ends, and you slip into the sneakers that fit perfectly, even if they are starting to give at the seams and the tread is worn out. This is what happens in relationships. As the brilliance of infatuation fades, couples move into a contented place where, even if there are problems, they know they can depend on one another to provide the love and support they need. That is the difference between infatuation and love.

Emotional Intelligence

The distinction between intelligence and knowledge in the area of cognition (ie IQ) is very clear, where generally, psychological research demonstrates that IQ is a reliable measure of cognitive capacity, and is stable over time. In the area of emotion (i.e. EQ) that distinction between intelligence and knowledge is murky. Current definitions of EQ are inconsistent about what it measures: some (such as bradberry and Greaves 2005) say that EQ is dynamic, it can be learned or increased; whereas others (such as Mayers) say that EQ is stable, and cannot be increased. Mayer's (2005) is consistent with cognition-based definitions of intelligence and knowledge, stating that " emotional intelligence is unlikely to be any more easily raised than general intelligence", but "emotional knowledge can be increased. . . fairly easily." Under Mayer's definition, emotional knowledge would be the level of perception and assessment that an individual has of their emotions at any given moment in time.

Emotional intelligence, or EI is the ability to understand your own emotions and those of people around you. EI is often measured as an Emotional Intelligence Quotient or EQ, describes an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.

The term "emotional intelligence" appears to have originated with Wayne Payne (1985), but was popularized by Daniel Goleman (1995). The leading research on the concept originated with Peter Salovey and John "Jack" Mayer starting in the late 1980s. In 1990, their seminal paper defined the concept as an intelligence. Mayer and Salovey continue to research the concept. The term "emotional quotient" seems to have originated in an article by Keith Beasley (1987). There are numerous other assessments of emotional intelligence each advocating different models and measures.

The concept of emotional intelligence, developed by Daniel Goleman, means you have a self-awareness that enables you to recognise feelings and helps you manage your emotions.

On a personal level, it involves motivation and being able to focus on a goal rather than demanding instant gratification. A person with a high emotional intelligence is also capable of understanding the feelings of others. Culturally, they are better at handling relationships of every kind.

Just because someone is deemed 'intellectually' intelligent, it does not necessarily follow they are emotionally intelligent. Having a good memory, or good problem solving abilities, does not mean you are capable of dealing with emotions or motivating yourself.

Highly intelligent people may lack the social skills that are associated with high emotional intelligence. Savants, who show incredible intellectual abilities in narrow fields, are an extreme example of this: a mathematical genius may be unable to relate to people socially. However, high intellectual intelligence, combined with low emotional intelligence, is relatively rare and a person can be both intellectually and emotionally intelligent.

Does socialising make you clever?
Both emotional and intellectual problems are more easily resolved when in a good mood, which to some extent depends on emotional intelligence. Self-motivated students tend to do better in school exams.

The ability to interact well with others and having a good group of friends, means students are more likely to remain in education, whereas those with emotional difficulties tend to drop out.

On the negative side, low emotional intelligence can affect intellectual capabilities. Depression interferes with memory and concentration. Psychological tests show feelings of rejection can dramatically reduce IQ by about 25%. Rejection increased feelings of aggressiveness and reduced self-control.

It is this quality of self-control, rather than being impulsive, which is regarded as necessary to perform well in IQ tests. So a low emotional intelligence may limit intellectual performance.

Stop fixing people

Helping people can actually serve to stunt their development. Not only do you take away their ability to think for themselves, when your goal is to help people do things "the correct way," you are functioning from a position of greater power. 

You are stronger than the person you are helping who has lesser capability, knowledge and strength. Others sense this unequal relationship. If they came to you as unequal--that you are the one with the knowledge in this situation--they may eagerly listen and do what you suggest. This relationship can work when people are starting new ventures and clearly lack skills, experience and knowledge. They want your help. 

On the other hand, if the people you are trying to help do not see you as the great one with all the knowledge, they won't hear you. Their resentment speaks louder than your words. They may even retaliate by doing something stupid or nothing at all. Then you judge them even more harshly. 

In contrast to helping, being of service is a relationship between equals. It is mutual. Serving is responding to a problem and collaborating with others to find the solution. You honour the perspective and knowledge of the people you are serving and then seek to open their eyes to new possibilities and ideas. You give information they are lacking and ask questions to make them think more fully about the situation. You explore possible consequences of their ideas. When they come up with plans for action, you ask them what particular support they need from you to be successful.

My question is "Do you serve or fix people?"

The Dearth To Reading Culture in Nigeria

"If you want to hide something from a black man, place it inside a book”, so goes the saying 

In functional societies, reading should be done in order to increase knowledge and awareness. It seems that our society is yet to achieve that level of functionality, or we simply do not care. Why has it been this difficult for the youths to cultivate the reading habit? What is it that seems to scare them from books? Have we considered the potential long-term effects of our poor reading culture on our society and the overall literacy level?

The complacent attitude towards books seems to form at very early ages – children in nursery and primary schools are hardly encouraged in schools and at home to pick up a book and read. Even in our secondary schools, students are being spoon-fed and not allowed to read and find information for themselves. There are books that have summaries of literary works, including the subject matters and themes as well as literary works. The import of this is that these students do not think it necessary to read the actual books and find out information for themselves. The invariable consequence is that our school system and society is producing people that are functionally literate, but effectively ignorant.

Since the advent of electronic revolution in all aspects of life, the reading and learning culture in Nigeria gradually declined thereby affecting the quality of graduates churned out from schools across the country.

Having established that the reading culture in Nigeria is very poor, and frankly, largely absent in large parts of the country, the question comes up: What can be done to improve this situation? What can individuals, parents, teachers and the wider community do to improve Nigeria’s reading culture?  Perhaps, it may be time to move away from the traditional and explore the unconventional. It may be time to ask: What exactly are we doing to improve the reading culture in Nigeria?

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Rebranding the many "evils" people do for money...

In my previous post about the rampant avarice in Nigeria, I spoke a little about "Yahoo boys". If you're yet to read, please do read and post your comments. 

So, I came across an advert in one of  the popular monthly magazine today, and this will make me want to revisit this same issue.

Please take your to read this advert well.

Notice the "...heavy money on Yahuu"?

Now, that's where I'm going...

Checks have revealed that a number of those erroneously referred to as “Yahoo Boys” (Internet fraudsters) have delved into money rituals as the internet business has not been forthcoming as before. Instead of calling it money ritual, they have code named it “Yahoo Plus”. In their own case, perpetrators of Yahoo Plus have taken their game to a higher level by adding jazz to it. At times, unsuspecting girlfriends end up as victims. Most people in Yahoo Plus opted for money rituals after the used of jazz failed to bring the desired results from the “Yahoo Yahoo” trade.

Unfortunately however, money rituals fail at times. Victims have been rejected by medicine men while some have been taken to shrines before they were found unsuitable for particular rituals and might have to be returned. One of the commonest consequences of a failed money ritual is that instead of getting rich, the person might either run mad or even die. These often serve as checks to prevent aggrieved prosperity seekers from spilling the beans and also to ensure that the esoteric secrets behind the rituals remain unknown.

The advert also spelt out "spend money and back to your pocket" (in Yoruba, its called Anobo), "commanding tone medicine without refusal" (Mayehun in Yoruba)...

The fact that this advert got published in the first place is quite disturbing. My question is, are we seriously in support of this "yahoo" thing? 

Will we ever have a sane society devoid of crime or inordinate desire for wealth?

Nigeria’s crime surge

Conceptually, crime can be seen as an infraction of both the basic principles of law and order and the norms of civilised behaviour. No society is immune from this knotty social problem but what differs is the frequency and magnitude of the situation and the response mechanisms to address it.

As part of the human community, Nigeria is currently caught in the web of crime dilemma, manifesting in the convulsive upsurge of both violent and non-violent crimes.

But the most alarming and terrifying is the present escalation of violent crimes and the barbarity, lethality and trauma the perpetrators unleash on the hapless citizenry across the length and breadth of the country. Notable in this regard are the rising incidents of armed robbery, assassination and kidnapping, which are now ravaging the polity and spreading a climate of fears and anxieties about public safety.

So far, the prevalent sky high level of violent crimes in Nigeria has cast asterisk on the political will of some of those in the corridors of power in the country to protect the citizens through the instrumentality of the law enforcement agencies, especially the Nigerian Police Force, which is constitutionally charged with maintaining law and order.

What are the underlying causative factors behind the exponential increase in violent crimes in our present-day society, especially the ugly trends of dare-devil armed robbery , kidnapping and assassination that have put the country in a quandary and instigated the pervasive sense of agoraphobia and “homephobia” among many Nigerians?

And what are the realistic means of containing these worrisome developments, which have come with pernicious effects of threat to the life and property of the citizenry, forced divestment of resources by the government from more productive sectors to the maintenance of internal law and order and discouragement of foreign direct investments?

In fact, responding to these nagging questions would require a viva voce of the crime causative factors in Nigeria. Evidently, the bulk of the causative factors undergirding crime, violence and other deviant acts in the country are structural in nature but, somewhat, are reinforced by the obvious failure of institutional response mechanisms.

Starting with the structural crime causative factors, these include:

·Rampant corruption. This cankerworm has not only dwarfed the prospects of remarkable economic growth and development in the country but has also precipitated abject poverty, deprivation, privation, suffering and despondency among the masses that now fuel crime and violence.

·Deplorable state of the economy. This is attributable to corruption, mismanagement, poor planning, failed structural reform programmes, epileptic power supply and the attendant debilitating economic costs, lull in the manufacturing sector in a petroleum crude driven mono-economy and changes in the international political economy that have tremendously undermined the circumstances for the promotion of a national welfare state.

All these crises of development  have, no doubt, resulted in lack of much economic ventilation and the associated social suffocation that have provoked a ferment among many penurious and disenchanted sections of the population who can no longer cope with the miserable situations and, alas, resort to crime as a “saving grace”.

·Aggravation of the widening gap between “the haves” (the rich) and “the have nots” (the poor). This untoward development, which is clearly seen in the near decimation of the social stabilising middle class, is not only getting out of hand and creating a social rift of “them” and “us” but is also spelling trouble everywhere through crime and criminality, including armed robbery which now threatens the safety of the affluent class in society.

·Mass poverty. By and large, the abject want, squalor and misery among the vast majority in the country in the midst of plenty have exacerbated the crime rate.

Factors stoking the ember of poverty in the land include corruption, economic crisis, lack of well-articulated social security programmes to cushion the adverse effects of painful economic reforms, worsening income gap between the rich and the poor, high unemployment, rural-urban development imbalance and emerging international economic order.

Unarguably, poverty is the harbinger of most crimes. A recent estimate put the number of Nigerians living below the poverty line at 70 per cent. Regarding unemployment, which has created available market for crime, recent statistics from the National Directorate of Employment (NDE) indicate that 12 million Nigerians are unemployed, this is not to mention those who are underemployed.

·Gradual erosion of community spirit. Regrettably, this has witnessed the eclipse of the lofty values that keep the society on its toes like communalism, altruism, benevolence, empathy, compassion, philanthropy and solidarity and their replacement with the retrograde spirit of narcissistic individualism and hubris and the precipitate selfishness, greed, avarice, apathy and misanthropy that are stealthily  turning Nigeria into a “me-first society”.

The fallout is a dog-eat-dog society  where the survival of the fittest is causing a widening gap between the rich and the poor, loot-and–plunder syndrome, blatant neglect, crime and criminality and rise of angst and alienation induced suicides, as blamed on low “mechanical solidarity” in the society today.

ALHAJI (CHIEF) YISA OLASUNKANMI AKANNI YAGBOYAJU AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF NIGERIAN MUSLIM YOUTHS: AND INSIDER'S PERSPECTIVE

By: Dr. Dhikrullah Adewale Yagboyaju

Introduction

The initial mixed feelings as to whether I could objectively write this chapter on Alhaji (Chief) Yisa Olasunkanmi Akanni Yagboyaju, were effectively addressed by Professor Siyan Oyeweso's insistence that as academics we should be able to set emotions aside in our ever increasing and demanding search for knowledge. Therefore, even as a child to Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju, I shall be objective as possible in writing this chapter on his life and times. This chapter has four main sections in which the life of Alhaji Yagboyaju will be explored. These are: childhood and formal education, adulthood and foray into commerce; philanthropism, Islamic propagation and focus on Muslim youths;and concluding remarks.

Childhood and Formal Education

Yisa Akanni was born on 30th June, 1933 in Ede, in the present day Osun State. His father, Pa Lawani Adejumo Yaagboyaaju was an illustrious and prosperous cocoa produce merchant whose business empire grew beyond Ede, his native town, to Edunabon, Moro, Ipetumodu, Asipa, Origbo and Ile-Ife, all in the present day Osun State. Yisa's mother, Abadatu Adepeju, who was one of the eight wives of Lawani Adejumo Yaagboyaaju, was blessed with four children but none except Yisa survived beyond the age of 3. This made Yisa Akanni the only child of his mother. It is on record that there was a very deep affection and love between Abadatu Adepeju and her only son, Yisa. It should also be noted that as a child, Yisa had series of health challenges, such that the mother was often afraid that her only son should not die before her.

Despite the anxiety, occasional illnesses and other health related issues, Yisa was enrolled for his elementary education at St. Peters Anglican Primary School, Ede. As a result of a combination of factors like his encounter with health challenges and the need to make the occasional business trips with his father and siblings, Yisa had to complete his elementary education in Origbo Community Primary School. Thereafter, he proceeded to the then Zik College, Sapele, where he could not go beyond the first academic term. This was largely as a result of the fact that his mother could not imagine that little Yisa would have to leave her for that long, especially when she was not sure of the fate of her only child in a "foreign" land. Apart from this, the business empire of his father suffered severe setback around this time and that meant insufficient funds for the whole family. He returned to Ede and did occasional casual jobs with the then Costain West Africa that built bridges, dams, and other physical infrastructures in Ede, Ido Osun, and few other neighbouring communities. He also engaged in such casual jobs at the railway station in Ede, where he and some others helped in the weighing of cocoa and other farm products.

Adulthood and Foray into Commerce

No doubt, Yisa Yagboyaju, as a young man was naturally endowed. He was not only among the best students throughout his school days, he was also his father's secretary and record keeper even when he had elder brothers. In addition, he was very inquisitive and restless. Sensing early in life, that there could be more challenging opportunities outside Ede, he requested his mother to discuss with relevant people who could help out. The mother, Abadatu Adepeju, discussed with her own younger sister, Asia Adepeola (the mother of Professor Laide Abass) who told her own husband, Pa Abass. It was the latter who took little Yisa along with him to Ibadan and secured the job of a clerical assistant for him in the business outfit of madam Raliatu Jadesola (an Ibadan based businesswoman of Ede origin) in 1952.

Over time Yisa Yagboyaju became the official representative and procurement clerk of madam Jadesola in different towns like Lagos, Kano, Onitcha, among several others. As he was doing this, young Yisa Yagboyaju also established new friendships and contacts that were so useful later in life. In 1954, he searched for his soulmate Afusatu Anike who had all along stayed with Yisa's parents in Ede. They were joined together ad husband and wife in that year. In 1955, Yisa Yagboyaju secured the approval of madam Jadesola to start his own small business. In no time, the small business grew and blossomed such that the name of the young merchant from Ede reverberated across Ibadan, Lagos and some other prominent towns in the then Western region. His father who was then advanced in age also sustained the respect and prestige for which the name Yaagboyaaju was known in Ede and its environs, particularly when he became the grand patron of the defunct NCNC in his immediate domain.

After the death of Pa Lawani Akanni Adejumo Yaagboyaaju in 1962, it became necessary for his children particularly Yisa and a few others outside Ede to re-establish their presence in the town. For Yisa, one of the ways to do this was by constructing houses. In 1966, he commissioned a residential building at Fashina compound and later in 1970, a commercial property on station road, Ede. It may be necessary to note that all along as Yisa Yagboyaju business thrived, he consistently assisted his friends, relatives and others who were in need at different points in time. Similarly, over time he married his other wives namely Muibat Asande (Late), Wulemot (Late) and Wasilat Bola.

More importantly, it occurred to Yisa Yagboyaju early on life that a better future can only be actualized particularly for the generality of Muslims who embraced the Western form of education through conscious and purposive efforts in capacity building. He identified the acquisition of Western form of education in addition to Arabic and Islamic education and passionately encouraged Muslim youths to embrace it.

Philanthropism, Islamic Propagation and Focus on Muslim Youths
Prior to 1976, when he single-handedly built a replica of the government prescribed block of classrooms at the permanent site of Ede Muslim Grammar School, Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju had engage in many silent contributions to the propagation of Islam. The donation of the block of classroom was quite symbolic. This was an unprecedented feat in the history of Ede, that a single individual will build and donate such a structure. In addition, the building, Yagboyaju block, the oldest permanent structure in the school today, and as one of the requirements by the government at that time, helped in the final approval for the commencement of the school. Remarkably, its probably also contributed to the superlative WAEC result of the school's first set of graduates in 1978.
At about the same time, he became actively involved in the activities of the Muslim Students Society of Nigeria (MSSN). Infact, in 2004 one MSSN marked its 50th year anniversary, it was reported that Alhaji Yagboyaju pioneered individual sponsorship of the Islamic Vacation Course (IVC), missionary campaigns and conferences. He also pioneered the sponsorship of Islamic programmes on TV and radio in the old Oyo state and some other parts of the defunct Western states. Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju also pioneered the printing of Islamic stickers.

 

He was the first single donor of buses to MSSN and NACOMYO.

 

For his support and commitment to the activities of MSS, he was appointed the grand patron to MSSN and a life trustee of the society. Similarly, he was at different times involved in the activities of NYBROSIS, Young Muslims Brothers And Sisters (YOUMBAS), The Muslim Congress (TMC), Nasril'lahi-il-fathi (NASFAT), QUAREEB and many other organizations whose founders were active members of the MSSN at one point or the other.
He championed the advocacy for Muslim judges and lawyers to conduct mosque services to herald the beginning of the legal year as against the joint church programme that was common in the past. He was appointed the grand patron of Nigerian Muslim Student in Kuwait, Egypt and North America in the early 1980s.

Apart from his activities among the Muslim youths which made him the "father" of tens of thousands of children. Alhaji Yagboyaju also helped in building mosques, Islamic mosques and hospitals in many places across Nigeria. He was installed the Asiwaju Odo Musulumi of Yorubaland by the league of Imams and Alfas in Ekiti, Lagos, Ogun, Ondo, Osun, Oyo, Edo and Delta state in 1986. He was the pioneer chairman Nigerian Supreme Council For Islamic Affairs (NSCIA) in Oyo and Osun state. He was also a life member of NSCIA. He was honoured with a doctorate degree in Islamic religion by Bradley University in United State of America in 1994. He was the pioneer chairman Oyo State Muslim Council on 1989 and patron Muslim Corpers' Association on Nigeria (MCAN).

Also, he was installed Asiwaju Aare-ago of Ede in 1977. He was the national president Federal Council of Ede Descendant Union (FCEDU) between 1990-1998. He organized the first highly successful Ede day celebration 1993. He was one of the biggest supporters and financiers of the modern Ede Central Mosque.

As President of FCEDU, he laid the foundation and commenced the building of the new ultra-modern Ede Town Hall. Similarly, it should be noted that his single contribution to the effort which led to the establishment of Federal Polytechnic Ede, cannot be overemphasized.

 

The contributions by Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju to the development of Ede are not complete if his pioneering efforts as Commercial farmer are not mentioned. In 1982, he acquired over 200 acres of land, around L'oogun area (Ologobi), and employed about fifty indigenes of Ede as workers in the first commercial farm in the history of the town.

Perhaps, the greatest manifestations of the efforts of Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju in Islamic propagation which, incidentally, did not adversely affect his relationship with his numerous Christian friends and admirers, could be found in the kind of opinions that were expressed across the country after his death in March 2012. The different categories of people who expressed these opinions also speaks volumes. Part of these opinions shall be reproduced in the last section of these chapter.

Conclusion

From all that have been reported in the preceding sections of this chapter about Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju, it can easily be said that he was particularly concerned with all his vigour because, according to him, "the youth are not only the hope of Nigeria and, more importantly, Muslim Ummah's future, they also have very fertile minds that could quickly imbibe positive lessons". Many opinions were expressed on Alhaji Yagboyaju's efforts in socio-eeconomic and religious activism. According to Femi Abbas, "the unassuming but genuinely great man, Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju was popularly known as "Baba Ewe" because of his love for Muslim youths"

To Alhaji Muhammed Sa'ad Abubakar lll, the Sultan of Sokoto, Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju lived a life that was based on Islamic principles, despite his material wherewithal. For those who appreciate the values of discipline, Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju was also said to have set a footprint on the sands of time. Dr. Lateef Adegbite, Secretary General NSCIA and first President of MSSN observed that Yisa Yagboyaju was a frontline player in the struggle for unity on Nigeria, despite her multi-ethnic nature and secularity. Meanwhile, according to Dr. Abdullah Jibril Oyekan, former Director, Ministry of Petroleum, "it is a growing tribute to Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju that he made his name and established his name within Ummah".He also reminded us of some of the peraonal traits of Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju. According to him, the first features that one noticed about Alhaji were his compulsive neatness, simplicity and meticulous dressing style which portrayed him as a man of great respect. He also has a welcoming smile and a amiable character. All of these were said to be anchored on his strong faith in his belief.

For Prof. Ishaq Olanrewaju Oloyede, Vice-Chacellor, University of Ilorin, Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju was a man, who through self-sacrifice raised the spirit of volunteerism in Yorubaland. Also, while Abubakar Mujahid Asari Dokubo, former Coordinator, NACOMYO, Rivers State observes that Alhaji Yagboyaju was one of the few Muslim leaders who dedicated all their endowments to the Deen without any strings attached. Kunle Sanni noted that he was a unique philanthropist who had many pioneering achievements such as sponsoring Islamic messages for free distribution, and donation of vehicles to Islamic groups, especially MSSN and NACOMYO. To Professor Noib Daud, the Executive Secretary of the Muslim Ummah of South West Nigeria (MUSWEN), the death of Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju created a big vacuum in Islamic propagation in Nigeria. He consequently challenged the stakeholders in the field of da'wah to brace up to the challenges of Islamic propagation in the future.
   
The Osun State Governor, Mr. Rauf Aregbesola described, Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju as a model for the righteous, whose contributions to Islamic activities, and philantropism were unparalleled in the South West of Nigeria. He declared that the late scholar was a trail brazier and lone ranger in Islamic propagation and nothing would be too much to immortalise him. The Governor however declared the donation of N10 million for the building of a chalet in memory of late Alhaji Yisa Yagboyaju in Ibadan.

Today reminds us its been a year we lost a rare gem, may Allah (SWT) forgive his sins, make Aljanah firdaus his abode (Ameen) and may Allah continue to guide, guard and bless the Muslim Jamaah at large. Inna atainah.